My 2013 Public Face

The more things change, the more things stay the same.  It's a nostalgic night in a new town that doesn't feel new to me at all anymore; hasn't felt new for months.  We value our memories but they are at their most vivid on paper.  Sometimes they are so powerful we don't want to taint or forgive them with our words.  

Many of my free hours are spent: applying for better jobs; exploring and adventuring; reading; laughing at the randomness constantly happening all around me; writing; struggling to not completely despise everything I write; struggling to make sense of my place in the world; struggling to understand motivations, people, politics, society, and deceptively basic concepts like empathy and love; drinking bottom-shelf whiskeys and cheap beers; listening to the depressing sorts of music that make me so happy; and shining lights on the dark regions of my mind.

Three years ago, I took it to heart when a co-worker supported me during a conversation, when she told me: "You are young enough to fail."  At 25, it still applies.  I've taken risks.  Many have been fruitful.  Most have been utter failures.  All of them have paid off in one way or another.  I don't know if, at the core, I'm still the same James Jackson I was the day I drove out of Ohio, but I like to think that I am.  But it's not like we're the same.

Here we carry on at the crossroads of a new, familiar dawn.

Explosion

Is there anyone who knows more about the principles of doing nothing than I?

Countless exercises in monotony, countless tribulations in same old, same old.

But we keep it fresh. There's music, there's dancing. Sunshine. On the good days. There's heart and soul abound.

We have goals and we have places we need to be. Getting there is the fun part.

A Miniature Zeitgeist of the Self

Boy, I'm really good at not updating this. And when I do, I don't particularly have anything to talk about.

Therefore, rumblings. My own independent zeitgeist of the self.

I graduated college. They sent me my diploma before I could come back for a sixth year.

I have a real, big-person job. 30% of the time.

I'm currently shopping around a screenplay. We'll see if anything happens.

Most of what I have to say comes out on "the Twitter". I don't even think I can formulate complete thoughts longer than 140 characters anymore.

Last time I wrote, I thought my life was on the precipice of change. It was. It still is.

Last night, I had a peculiar dream. I was eating Oreos in my living room. I dipped the cookies in milk. I offered my friend in the room, a Pi Lambda Phi brother, an Oreo. He accepted. However, he double-dipped his cookie, and I got mad at him and woke up.

This is the kind of dream I am like to have. What does it mean? What does it mean?

I was reading The Tiger's Wife by Téa Obreht, but I am an exceptionally slow reader so I had to return it to the library before I could finish. I've placed another hold on it. It's excellent, it really is. I'd buy it but I don't really use money on books.

See you in six months?

I'll Write More When I Have Something Cool To Say

What a month.

Crazy how things can just change on you, ya know?

Not that there's anything I can really report. Time flies by, and I'm just here for the ride.

My resolution this year, as mentioned in the last entry, was "more adventures". I've certainly made that happen. January itself was an adventure.

Just two weeks into the semester, I went to New York City with some people. It was my first time there. We were there to film the world's longest handshake for Guinness Book of World Records in the middle of Times Square, as a charity event, if you will. First and foremost, it was random, but there were plenty of good adventures there that were fun. The city is great. A lot different than anything I've experienced here in the States. I'd describe NYC as a dirty Tokyo. I hope no one finds offense in that.

I don't know, I feel like I should go into more detail about what made the city so great. Maybe the fact that you can do anything and everything there. The buildings are gorgeous. It's always moving.

I've been playing racquetball and working out around five days a week. It's something I haven't really done in the past. That something being "staying physically active". It's what they say, but I do actually feel better about myself since doing it.

Thought I had more to say, but I guess not. I'm at that stage in my life where I don't really know what I'm doing. I have an idea of where I want to go, what I want to do, but things can change rather rapidly. Brownie points for being vague, right? I'll write more when I have something cool to say.

"You're Young Enough to Fail."

So. 2011, here we are. 2011. You sound so futuristic.

Anyway. The reason I'm back here is that I just found a new website called MemoLane, and it made me think of my blogs. Google it. It captures memories from various sites that you have. It is just in beta stage right now, but check it out; once it launches, I have a feeling it will be quite big.

My resolution this year: more adventures. And I'm serious about it. Partially out of necessity, partially out of just... wanting to live life more and piss in the wind, if you will. It comes necessarily due to what will happen when I graduate, when I relocate. It's hard to predict what will come from that. I'm excited and scared at the same time, but I think of a quote that a somewhat random former co-worker pointed out to me: "You're young enough to fail." I think those are the five words that need to be carried with me at all times; not in the forefront of my brain, but somewhere in the back. And when I think about, the quote does have truth, and it is applicable to me. I'm only 22. It's okay to be poor. It's okay to still follow my dreams, even when they're ridiculous It's even okay to do crazy shit. And you know, if I'm out in California for five years and I'm destitute and completely broken, ya know what? I can go back home. I have that safety net. Obviously, that's not something I want to strive for. It's just important to be reminded of the options. What's at stake.

The second part of my resolution. Well, come on. Who doesn't want adventure? The last half of my 2010 was filled to the brim with really awesome and memorable adventures. Philadelphia, the "MarkC" battles, one involving pumpkins, working at Cedar Point. The list goes on, at least for a bit longer. You get the point. The best memories are oftentimes the ones you create. I'm all about creating, and I am better socially in situations involving some kind of weirdness.

Until next time. Hopefully I'll still be in college by the next entry -- I want to write before May.

Philadelphia in So Many Words

So, Philadelphia's a neat place. An old city with some crazy roads. I went there with my roommate and a fraternity brother for a couple days this long weekend. The place is quite rich in historic areas, but really dense in population in others. Would you believe it if I said that people parked in the middle of the street? I apologize for not having any pics to prove it, but seriously. The middle lanes reserved for cars that travel either way were mostly just convenient parking spaces. And there's parallel parking up the wazoo over there. When it comes to driving, Philadelphia has no rules. It's utter chaos. Even not concerning the driving, it's utter chaos. We stayed in a trashy-looking dentist's office building. But the interior was really, really nice. All said, I really like the city; I don't think I would mind living there, if it came down to that.

Of course, the real reason I was there was to catch a screening of my most anticipated film of all time, Black Swan. It comes out in a couple months, but the way I see it, I'm an impatient bastard who likes adventure. And the trip was so worth the eight hours east and the eight hours west. Anyone who knows me knows that Darren Aronofsky is my idol. We were lucky to be have him show up, introduce the film, and give a Q&A session afterward. Of course, I was giddy like a schoolgirl. Fanboy much? I'm not afraid to admit it. Seeing my idol in the same room as I was every bit as cool as I had thought. He's a chill guy.

Oh, right. The film. Black Swan is, for all intents and purposes, a masterpiece. It's up to par with the rest of Darren's work, which I think is all fantastic. Not exactly sure where it stands yet, but I really, really like it. I don't want to spoil anything. But the film feels like a nightmare through and through. It jumps right into things and didn't let my attention waver. At all. The entire cast is fantastic. Natalie Portman, Vincent Cassel, Mila Kunis, Barbara Hershey, and Winona Ryder all give great performances. The cinematography is beautiful, unique, and surprising. Clint Mansell's score works perfectly with Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake music. Edited perfectly. I am a biased source, but I think most people will be surprised to find that they like the film. And I'm going to try to convince as many people to see this as possible. I know that I can't wait to see it again. Releases in Cleveland on December 22nd. You want to know where I'll be that night?

Anyway. I'm rambling a bit. Philadelphia was great, and a lot of fun came in the journey there and back. I like driving, but I was really surprised my '98 Ford Taurus was able to make it there. I was a little uneasy about our chances, what with the steering issues it has currently and has had in the past. But here I am. Alive and happy that I've explored another little piece of the planet. If I could afford more road trips, I would go on more road trips.

Been Awhile.

So, five months, huh?

I do a lot of writing in journals and that usually takes precedence over online blogging, because it's often more real.

Yeah, the summer. Summer was good. It feels so far back though, now. Back in the midst of another semester, as a fifth-year senior. If I could describe summer in one word, I would, but I can't. It was so weird.

Strange being back on campus when most of my original friends from freshman year have moved on. But I guess that's one of the great things about being in a fraternity. You grow close with guys that are younger than you, so I don't have to bask in loneliness all day.

I'm in a campus apartment and I really like the space. Gives me some space to find myself and that helps fight depression.

I'm optimistic about the future. No one knows what their futures hold, so there's no point going forward with negative thoughts.

I will be traveling to Philadelphia on Thursday to catch a screening of Black Swan. I'm hoping Darren Aronofsky will be there. He is my hero. If not, it will still be a really awesome theatrical experience, and I've never been in Philadelphia before. All I know about it is that the sun always shines over there. I've been obsessing over this movie for awhile so it will be nice to see it.

Pressing onward.